The Mental Health Man Cold (Yes…I said it)
We have all heard of the “man cold” and I’ll admit I am very guilty of continuing the somewhat sexist idea that men can’t handle sickness simply because they are men. But stick with me for a moment while I play into this a little bit. Let’s say I was a man (which I am not), I might actually use this to my advantage and welcome the extra time in bed or sick days off knowing that it is likely to be seen as acceptable…even if I didn’t necessarily need to. It’s a convenient excuse so why not?
Now, what I am about to say might make some people want to cancel us, but I need to throw this out there as I do believe it is worth considering. What if we are beginning to take advantage of the mental health allowances our culture is so proudly taking on? By this I mean, how many of us are using mental health conditions as an excuse to avoid things that are difficult? And what if that actually propagates our decline rather than calls us up to our potential?
The Age of the Patient Persona
I have been so encouraged by the amount of insurance companies who have reasonable allowances for psychological supports. It has been a long time coming, and in my opinion we still have quite a ways to go in terms of accessibility. So please hear me when I say that as a Child and Adult Psychologist, I strongly believe these are not just nice to have, but absolutely necessary in order for our society to function well. That being said, at the same time that I have noticed these supports and the awareness of mental health in general increasing, I have also noticed this type of poor-me persona developing in the name of self-care. What do I mean by this? Well, how many times do you hear or see things like this on social media:
“Took a mental health day off work to go to the spa! #self care”
“Left the dirty dishes and went to bed early instead”
“Watched this new season on Netflix and sent my kids to daycare”
“Gave the chef a break and ordered in tonight (and every second night), because I deserve it!”
Okay, now before I go on, I want to explain that I do not believe there is anything inherently wrong with doing any of these things. In fact, I am a huge advocate of doing some of these things once in a while (minus the binging of Netflix, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing in my opinion). That’s actually the point. Too much of a good thing can in fact be detrimental to us.
When we start to not only accept the idea that we need a break, a pick me up, or a treat-yo-self, but embrace it with all our might, we are at risk of actually creating further stress or disappointment in our lives. When we begin to see ourselves as the ‘mental health patient’ that not only needs but ‘deserves’ all of the special treatment, we begin to lose sight of what it is all for. We begin to adopt a type of persona that isn't much unlike the idea of a ‘man cold,’ where we begin behaving, believing, and feeling like we are worse off than we truly are.
When we begin taking advantage of the mental health lingo and supports that are in place, we actually begin to diminish its significance. Those who are truly suffering get lumped in with those who decided to jump on the bandwagon. The end result could be pretty scary if there comes a day when psychological health concerns are no longer (or once again not) taken seriously.
Self Care vs. Self-ish
Here me out. Taking care of ourselves is of utmost importance. But there is a big difference between taking care of ourselves and caring only for ourselves. I think the true meaning of self care has gotten lost in the social media abyss somewhere. Some of the latest research on brain health and overall wellness suggests that to truly be well we need to be challenging ourselves daily with something new, and with something difficult. Not necessarily taking time off from a challenging situation at work to avoid it all.
To feel a sense of pride and self respect, it is important to be setting goals, and living with a purpose in mind, not creating excuses for why it might be too much right now. For our mental capacities to function well it's crucial that we take care of our bodies and physical brains by getting regular exercise and getting outside, as opposed to showing up at the gym looking fine just to do a couple reps and take a few (hundred) selfies. We all need a break sometimes, and there are times or even seasons where some of these things might be less possible, but it might be time to step up our game instead of stepping it down in the name of self-care.
Struggling to set reasonable goals? Seeking professional support with a therapist or counsellor, whether in person or virtually, is a great place to start. We are here for you! Get Connected
About The Author:
Chanae Smith, Registered Psychologist
-Chanae is a wife, a mother, and a Registered Psychologist that enjoys traveling, eating good food, learning, and playing. Chanae works with children and adults to form healthier relationships within the context of their homes, schools, personal relationships and even in the wider society.
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